The Evolution of Wilhelm's Feelings
Feb. 13th, 2024 10:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sillyunicorn6154My first Dreamwidth post!! I had not even heard of this platform a week ago but it seems like a neat place!!
I wrote this a bit ago, and thought about posting it elsewhere, but perhaps this is in fact the best home for it. Here I'm going to lay out my understanding/impression of how Wilhelm's feelings developed for Simon, using some but not all of their scenes together. Let's go!!
(I originally imagined this with screenshots but I'll just do descriptions instead and we can imagine them)
Wilhelm arrives to Hillerska and sees Simon for the first time when he's singing. Vincent yells mockingly at Simon to sing louder, and Simon DOES. It's the first thing we see make Wilhelm smile. So what does that say about his feelings toward Simon? Is it love at first sight? I think he's attracted to Simon's spirit here, but not necessarily romantically. And he's appreciating Simon's voice! I always imagine when he looks around here he's thinking "Is anyone else hearing this???" He's enjoying the performance and I'd even venture to say is admiring of Simon here.
Wilhelm introduces himself to Simon and compliments him in a way Simon wasn't expecting! He just heard Simon speak up in class - the second time we see him see Simon stand up for himself. At lunch they exchange some cute/awkward looks and maybe this is where Simon starts to get a crush on Wilhelm (that's a whole different post). Again I think Wilhelm admires Simon's spirit and gutsiness (and probably wishes *he* could be more like that). I read him as a little nervous but determined - his feelings are along the lines of "I'm trying to make a decent impression on someone I think highly of/want to be friends with", rather than because he's feeling any romantic attraction yet.
The end of the first episode! Wilhelm and Simon are hiding from August and co and Simon teases Wilhelm by calling his name (same vibe as him mocking Wille for his "tack, Malin" in E5?) Anyway, tipsy/drunk Wilhelm shushes him, grabbing his shirt and then putting a hand over his mouth.
I think by this point Wilhelm can probably acknowledge to himself that he likes being around Simon -- he specifically seeks out his company at this party. (Maybe this is an example of "You're the only one I feel I can talk to"?) I think Wilhelm still isn't aware of any potential romantic or sexual attraction in this scene. When he puts his hand on Simon's face, and finds himself close in Simon's space.... well the sexual tension is PALPABLE, and I think Wilhelm feels it too – but he is surprised by it! He wasn't really planning on touching Simon, he only did it to quiet him, but now that he has... it's like *oh*, there is something there... some spark or something... but it's a brief moment (I assume, we don't know what happens right after because the credits roll immediately), but in my head the moment passes fairly quickly and Wilhelm brushes it off. And especially later, even if he thinks back to it, I could imagine him blaming any weird feelings on the alcohol. So, still no conscious awareness of attraction...
Movie night!! Sitting next to each other! Wilhelm almost clutching at Simon at the jumpscare! Amazing. So much electricity. It seems like Wilhelm clearly likes Simon...and WE know that, but does he??
This is possibly my favorite moment. Because writing this whole thing and examining WHEN Wilhelm was aware of his feelings raised an interesting question: if he STILL wasn't aware he was romantically interested in Simon at this point, what the heck was he doing linking fingers and smiling softly about it? What was going through his head?? How was he framing this behavior to himself??
IF we move on the (fun, for me) assumption that he is still unaware of his attraction, I think when he reached a pinky out toward Simon he was not trying to make a move. (Simon probably thought he was! A reasonable assumption! Simon has seen the way Wilhelm looks at him!!) Instead I think his motivations were: he craves physical affection, and he likes being around Simon. And even when Simon weaves their fingers together, I don’t think Wilhelm is thinking this is a romantic thing, because he's SO CALM about it. There’s no alarm bells going off in his head at all – he’s relaxed, smiling. I think he’s thinking "this is nice :)". It’s not until he sees Sara looking at them that he realizes what holding hands with someone in a dark movie room LOOKS like. And *that's* when the panic hits and he runs away. Because he didn't mean it like that! And Simon, sweet brave little toaster caregiver that he is, follows after him to check on him. And continues what he thinks Wilhelm started, and kisses him. Which takes us to...
This deserves a separate section. Can we take a moment to appreciate Wilhelm’s BLANK STARE after Simon kisses him?? The boy is the definition of nonplussed. Like, Wilhelm.exe has stopped working. It’s only when Simon turns to leave that he comes back online and is like wait wait wait idk what’s going on in my head right now but that was nice and I want to do it again.
So like, THIS in my opinion is the first time that the idea that he could be romantically attracted to Simon crosses his mind. Up until now they’ve been buddies! Pals! Bros even! (rowing practice *bro tap*) Friends who sort of hold hands sometimes because holding hands is nice!!
(am I projecting here? who's to say)
So yeah. The lights have gone off in Wilhelm's head. He's clearly attracted to Simon. Simon is into him. They've kissed. Sweet. Cool. We're good. Right? NO.
(i'm having too much fun with this, hope y'all are enjoying it half as much)
We're in the music room. We start the scene with Wilhelm staring ADORINGLY at Simon. COME ON. How can you not know you're in love with him. Someone really should have taken a picture of him and shown him his face. Sigh I love Wilhelm. I also show ALL my emotions on my face with no filter and can be stubborn about believing new information about myself... ANYWAY.
Wilhelm stares admiringly/adoringly at Simon, approaches him, teases him about not reading music, sits RIGHT next to him on the piano bench... and then says they should forget about the kiss! (Simon rallies SO quickly btw. He DOES know how to not show his emotions on his face... again, a whole different post.) Anyway Wilhelm tells Simon "I’m not, like..." but he can’t even say what it is he's not like. Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe it doesn’t feel true to say any more than that. What he DOES know is he likes being around Simon. He wants to still be friends with Simon, is desperate not to mess that up. He makes sure to say something like "but I still want to be friends" even as Simon is (rightfully, lol) fleeing.
How can he say this after the hand hold? The kiss? The everything leading up to this? All I can figure is he have spent all weekend downplaying the kiss in his head. He's just like "huh what a weird little blip in our friendship. No biggie. Will just have a quick chat to Simon about this to set the record straight" (ha) Because we don't see him really freaking out here when he's talking to Simon. No alarm bells, no seismic shifts in his head. Everything is the same as before the kiss in Wilhelm's head. He and Simon are friends!
That's my guess anyway. I'd love to read a fic about that weekend in Wille's head between the movie night and this reunion!
Ok we're almost to the end. Now my favorite part... (I think that about every one of these scenes but whatever)
No I'm doubling down, this is one of my favorite parts. I love how much we're told without any dialogue. We get Wilhelm capital-L Looking at Simon shirtless in the locker room, walking alone through the school grounds pensively kicking leaves and throwing sticks, staring at Simon in class. We see him laying awake at night looking at pictures of Simon, and then seeing other people making out and thinking about Simon kissing him. HE'S THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
In a classic and painfully relatable oblivious-to-their-feelings-person way, by making Simon off-limits to himself, Wilhelm has given himself the freedom to think about Simon in a new way. (again, am I projecting too much? maybe.) The pressure he had on himself to think or act a certain way is gone, because he's drawn a clear boundary, so he no longer has to enforce that boundary in his HEAD (does this make sense to anyone outside my head?) And so he can think about Simon differently... in ways that he didn't even know he could before. And fortunately for Wilhelm, Simon, and all of us, he acknowledges his feelings and TRUSTS them (props, honestly) instead of fighting it or doubling down on his "I'm not..." Which directly results in the lovely fun scene in the school gym where Simon asks "What happened to 'let's forget about it'?" and Wilhelm says "I take that back" but that's technically after the timeframe of this post because by then Wilhelm FINALLY knows and understands and acknowledges his romantic feelings for Simon.
When did he ACTUALLY fall in love with Simon, as opposed to when he RECOGNIZED he was in love with Simon? Well, "It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began."
THANKS FOR COMING ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME! I love demi(?) oblivious(?) Wilhelm <3
I wrote this a bit ago, and thought about posting it elsewhere, but perhaps this is in fact the best home for it. Here I'm going to lay out my understanding/impression of how Wilhelm's feelings developed for Simon, using some but not all of their scenes together. Let's go!!
(I originally imagined this with screenshots but I'll just do descriptions instead and we can imagine them)
THE FIRST LOOK
Wilhelm arrives to Hillerska and sees Simon for the first time when he's singing. Vincent yells mockingly at Simon to sing louder, and Simon DOES. It's the first thing we see make Wilhelm smile. So what does that say about his feelings toward Simon? Is it love at first sight? I think he's attracted to Simon's spirit here, but not necessarily romantically. And he's appreciating Simon's voice! I always imagine when he looks around here he's thinking "Is anyone else hearing this???" He's enjoying the performance and I'd even venture to say is admiring of Simon here.
THE FIRST LUNCH
Wilhelm introduces himself to Simon and compliments him in a way Simon wasn't expecting! He just heard Simon speak up in class - the second time we see him see Simon stand up for himself. At lunch they exchange some cute/awkward looks and maybe this is where Simon starts to get a crush on Wilhelm (that's a whole different post). Again I think Wilhelm admires Simon's spirit and gutsiness (and probably wishes *he* could be more like that). I read him as a little nervous but determined - his feelings are along the lines of "I'm trying to make a decent impression on someone I think highly of/want to be friends with", rather than because he's feeling any romantic attraction yet.
THE FIRST TOUCH
The end of the first episode! Wilhelm and Simon are hiding from August and co and Simon teases Wilhelm by calling his name (same vibe as him mocking Wille for his "tack, Malin" in E5?) Anyway, tipsy/drunk Wilhelm shushes him, grabbing his shirt and then putting a hand over his mouth.
I think by this point Wilhelm can probably acknowledge to himself that he likes being around Simon -- he specifically seeks out his company at this party. (Maybe this is an example of "You're the only one I feel I can talk to"?) I think Wilhelm still isn't aware of any potential romantic or sexual attraction in this scene. When he puts his hand on Simon's face, and finds himself close in Simon's space.... well the sexual tension is PALPABLE, and I think Wilhelm feels it too – but he is surprised by it! He wasn't really planning on touching Simon, he only did it to quiet him, but now that he has... it's like *oh*, there is something there... some spark or something... but it's a brief moment (I assume, we don't know what happens right after because the credits roll immediately), but in my head the moment passes fairly quickly and Wilhelm brushes it off. And especially later, even if he thinks back to it, I could imagine him blaming any weird feelings on the alcohol. So, still no conscious awareness of attraction...
THE PINKY TOUCH
Movie night!! Sitting next to each other! Wilhelm almost clutching at Simon at the jumpscare! Amazing. So much electricity. It seems like Wilhelm clearly likes Simon...and WE know that, but does he??
This is possibly my favorite moment. Because writing this whole thing and examining WHEN Wilhelm was aware of his feelings raised an interesting question: if he STILL wasn't aware he was romantically interested in Simon at this point, what the heck was he doing linking fingers and smiling softly about it? What was going through his head?? How was he framing this behavior to himself??
IF we move on the (fun, for me) assumption that he is still unaware of his attraction, I think when he reached a pinky out toward Simon he was not trying to make a move. (Simon probably thought he was! A reasonable assumption! Simon has seen the way Wilhelm looks at him!!) Instead I think his motivations were: he craves physical affection, and he likes being around Simon. And even when Simon weaves their fingers together, I don’t think Wilhelm is thinking this is a romantic thing, because he's SO CALM about it. There’s no alarm bells going off in his head at all – he’s relaxed, smiling. I think he’s thinking "this is nice :)". It’s not until he sees Sara looking at them that he realizes what holding hands with someone in a dark movie room LOOKS like. And *that's* when the panic hits and he runs away. Because he didn't mean it like that! And Simon, sweet brave little toaster caregiver that he is, follows after him to check on him. And continues what he thinks Wilhelm started, and kisses him. Which takes us to...
THE FIRST KISS
This deserves a separate section. Can we take a moment to appreciate Wilhelm’s BLANK STARE after Simon kisses him?? The boy is the definition of nonplussed. Like, Wilhelm.exe has stopped working. It’s only when Simon turns to leave that he comes back online and is like wait wait wait idk what’s going on in my head right now but that was nice and I want to do it again.
So like, THIS in my opinion is the first time that the idea that he could be romantically attracted to Simon crosses his mind. Up until now they’ve been buddies! Pals! Bros even! (rowing practice *bro tap*) Friends who sort of hold hands sometimes because holding hands is nice!!
(am I projecting here? who's to say)
So yeah. The lights have gone off in Wilhelm's head. He's clearly attracted to Simon. Simon is into him. They've kissed. Sweet. Cool. We're good. Right? NO.
THE BACKPEDAL
(i'm having too much fun with this, hope y'all are enjoying it half as much)
We're in the music room. We start the scene with Wilhelm staring ADORINGLY at Simon. COME ON. How can you not know you're in love with him. Someone really should have taken a picture of him and shown him his face. Sigh I love Wilhelm. I also show ALL my emotions on my face with no filter and can be stubborn about believing new information about myself... ANYWAY.
Wilhelm stares admiringly/adoringly at Simon, approaches him, teases him about not reading music, sits RIGHT next to him on the piano bench... and then says they should forget about the kiss! (Simon rallies SO quickly btw. He DOES know how to not show his emotions on his face... again, a whole different post.) Anyway Wilhelm tells Simon "I’m not, like..." but he can’t even say what it is he's not like. Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe it doesn’t feel true to say any more than that. What he DOES know is he likes being around Simon. He wants to still be friends with Simon, is desperate not to mess that up. He makes sure to say something like "but I still want to be friends" even as Simon is (rightfully, lol) fleeing.
How can he say this after the hand hold? The kiss? The everything leading up to this? All I can figure is he have spent all weekend downplaying the kiss in his head. He's just like "huh what a weird little blip in our friendship. No biggie. Will just have a quick chat to Simon about this to set the record straight" (ha) Because we don't see him really freaking out here when he's talking to Simon. No alarm bells, no seismic shifts in his head. Everything is the same as before the kiss in Wilhelm's head. He and Simon are friends!
That's my guess anyway. I'd love to read a fic about that weekend in Wille's head between the movie night and this reunion!
Ok we're almost to the end. Now my favorite part... (I think that about every one of these scenes but whatever)
THE MONTAGE
No I'm doubling down, this is one of my favorite parts. I love how much we're told without any dialogue. We get Wilhelm capital-L Looking at Simon shirtless in the locker room, walking alone through the school grounds pensively kicking leaves and throwing sticks, staring at Simon in class. We see him laying awake at night looking at pictures of Simon, and then seeing other people making out and thinking about Simon kissing him. HE'S THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
In a classic and painfully relatable oblivious-to-their-feelings-person way, by making Simon off-limits to himself, Wilhelm has given himself the freedom to think about Simon in a new way. (again, am I projecting too much? maybe.) The pressure he had on himself to think or act a certain way is gone, because he's drawn a clear boundary, so he no longer has to enforce that boundary in his HEAD (does this make sense to anyone outside my head?) And so he can think about Simon differently... in ways that he didn't even know he could before. And fortunately for Wilhelm, Simon, and all of us, he acknowledges his feelings and TRUSTS them (props, honestly) instead of fighting it or doubling down on his "I'm not..." Which directly results in the lovely fun scene in the school gym where Simon asks "What happened to 'let's forget about it'?" and Wilhelm says "I take that back" but that's technically after the timeframe of this post because by then Wilhelm FINALLY knows and understands and acknowledges his romantic feelings for Simon.
When did he ACTUALLY fall in love with Simon, as opposed to when he RECOGNIZED he was in love with Simon? Well, "It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began."
THANKS FOR COMING ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME! I love demi(?) oblivious(?) Wilhelm <3
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Date: 2024-02-14 04:28 am (UTC)YES. YES YES YES.
Cackling at the whole PINKY TOUCH section. I'm all for interpreting it as Wille acting on his romantic attraction to Simon or just him seeing physical contact/reassurance. Either way, the storytelling/cinematography/acting in this scene is very compelling!
I am in tears. So damn funny.
This was such an enjoyable read, thanks for posting it! Demi!Wilhelm is so vividly entrenched in my subconscious now, I hope you're happy. I didn't realise I headcanon'd him as such until you pointed it out!
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Date: 2024-02-14 04:34 am (UTC)Demi!Wilhelm is so vividly entrenched in my subconscious now, I hope you're happy. This is very satisfying to hear!!!! I am happy hahaha, and glad I'm not the only one who hc'd him that way!
I'm glad you had fun reading!!! Thanks for your thoughts :)))
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Date: 2024-02-14 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-14 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-14 11:40 pm (UTC)Anyway I really liked you mapping out all the little moves in Wilhelm’s heart! I love Demi!Wilhelm, I think it makes absolute sense for him.
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Date: 2024-02-15 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 07:13 pm (UTC)Glad to hear I'm not the only one with demi!Wilhelm thoughts!
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Date: 2024-02-17 10:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 12:44 am (UTC)There’s something delightful about the way Wilhelm doesn’t quite understand his feelings but has to kind of feel them out through actions. “Have I tried this? Do I like this? Is two hours too long to be scrolling Simon’s instagram?” I think writers sometimes spend a lot of time searching for the “right words” to have a character express their feelings, even when that character is confused, and a lot of times the words aren’t as communicative as what a character is doing, and how their desires get externalized. And oh boy does Wille externalize his desires in some awkward (cutely awkward) ways.
The way you wrote this, I’m also reminded just how young these characters are. I think that this is something that sometimes gets lost in fandom conversations, where we’re so used to aged up AUs and looking at the actors’ slightly older faces.
Also, I love how when Wilhelm escapes movie night, Simon finds him sitting on a windowsill, and if I remember correctly the window is slightly ajar. It’s so clear that Wilhelm wants more of the world than just Hillerska—an escape, even—and Simon is his gateway to that wider world.
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Date: 2024-02-15 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 07:16 pm (UTC)There’s something delightful about the way Wilhelm doesn’t quite understand his feelings but has to kind of feel them out through actions. I love this!!! What a great insight for how to write feelings as well. I love watching Wille externally process his feelings. Will definitely keep this in mind for writing him and some other blorbos who very much do the same thing.
They are so young!!
There was some post way back when pointing out how often windows are used to get in/out of places in YR, I do like it in this scene as a reference to him wanting to escape. and Simon being the gateway!! Lovely.